


there's that fear again

by dreamofspring



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, M/M, Re:vale-typical arguments and miscommunication, major spoilers for part 3, set after chapter 20
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-11 13:14:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15316266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamofspring/pseuds/dreamofspring
Summary: Momo and Yuki are more shaken than they let on by what happened in Momo's apartment on the fateful night of the MOP, but luckily, they don't have to deal with it alone.





	there's that fear again

**Author's Note:**

> This story includes references to:  
> \- drinking and being drunk  
> \- spoilers for the part 2 of the main story  
> \- MAJOR spoilers for the part 3 of the main story, including final chapters, not yet translated into English  
> \- spoilers for Yuki's chapters of the Re:member prequel novel  
> \- random Re:vale trivia that I made up ☆⌒（＊＾∇゜）v

Yuki rubs at his itching eyes, sliding down in his seat. Each clink of a glass against the table drives a sharp needle through his skull, the light threatening to blind him even through his closed eyelids. Though his current drink is still far from finished, Yuki gives it a light, slow push with the tips of his fingers, until it stops against a nearly empty plate of snacks. With all the alcohol around, the difference isn't big, but Yuki still gives a small sigh of relief when the smell stops going straight up to his nose.

"Once more, to Trigger's victory!"

Momo's voice is like an explosion going off next to his ear, setting off a throbbing pain behind his eyes. Yuki almost misses the false note in Momo's cheer; a flatness that brings back a specter of a cramped, cold room with an empty fridge that Momo desperately tried to brighten up with his smile, of Momo in their dressing room, forcing himself to tell jokes with a shaking palm laid over his throat. Yuki turns his head towards Momo in worry, but even though they sit close enough to brush shoulders, as Momo looks around the table, making sure everyone raises their glass for the toast, Yuki is the only one whose eyes he doesn't meet.

Momo's free hand rests on the table between them, fiddling with a plastic straw. Yuki reaches out to grab it, when a careless movement of someone's arm knocks over a pitcher of juice. Momo jumps out of his seat as if burned, grabbing a handful of napkins on the way and leaving Yuki grasping at air.

It's been a while since Yuki has sought out comments about Re:vale - somehow, he couldn't get himself to laugh at the conspiracy theories about him and Momo not getting along in private, not recently - but he remembers stumbling upon a peculiar thread on some forum or other. "Can Yuki and Momo use telepathy?"  A few consecutive posts held an impressive collection of gifs, videos and live accounts. There was Yuki and Momo finishing each other's sentences, things like Momo catching a water bottle Yuki tossed without even looking his way or instantly matching Yuki's missteps to cover for a mistake in dancing, Yuki already being there to hold Momo up when he slipped on a wet stage. Someone even recorded an old show where they had to play charades, and even though Momo kept pulling abstract concepts, Yuki guessed them all. It felt strange, then, going through all that with the image of blushing, stuttering Momo who could barely say more than Yuki's name still fresh in Yuki’s memory, knowing how hard they worked to get where they were. Thinking about it now, when Momo seems to be on another side of a thick, invisible but impenetrable wall that could fog up and hide him from view at any moment, simply hurts.

Something horrid and irreversible has almost happened behind that wall, almost out of Yuki's reach. Even with Momo keeping so frustratingly quiet, Yuki can tell as much. The  comment about the veranda is etched into Yuki's brain, way too deeply for the alcohol he keeps being poured to remove. All it does is excerberate the anxiety that grows even further as Yuki watches Momo console fretting Manekko-chan about the spilled juice. Even though Momo is cracking jokes, bouncing around Manekko-chan as he cleans up, Yuki can't hear the smile plastered to his face in Momo's voice. His body language is all wrong. To expect such a poor performance to fool him is insulting. Just what is Momo playing at... What _is_ he playing at? Does he think of Yuki so little?

God, the headache is _killing_ him.

Yuki's frame suddenly feels too big. An old impulse makes him look around for Ban, only to find his seat empty. _That's right_ , Yuki groans inwardly; when the party started dwindling down, Ban had looked at his watch, stood up and announced he’s driving the minors home. Nagi-kun immediately clung to him, crying out for his gallant savior (Yuki couldn't help but silently agree and envy), while the Nanase twins protested, with wildly varying levels of success.

“Why does Tenn-nii get to stay?” Riku-kun complained, “It’s unfair! We’re the same age! And you, Manager - “

“Um, Gaku-san - Yaotome-san asked me…”

“We all did,” Tenn-kun, trying not to show how much he hoped for a non-drinking companion, cut in. Manekko-chan, pulled to sit in between the Trigger members, gave an apologetic smile. “Riku, don’t be discourteous to a lady," Tenn continued. "I don’t think I have to tell you that you need rest? After an event like this?”

“But…”

“We’re the ones being celebrated here. What I say, goes.”

“It’s not your birthday!”

The appearance of Iori-kun, already towing Tamaki-kun, who was too absorbed in observing the drunken antics at the table to walk by himself, immediately tipped the scales. Yuki had a feeling Iori-kun has scored a few points with Tenn tonight. Nagi-kun, too, grabbed Riku’s arm, and declared gravely, “Riku. Believe me, my friend - there are things you don't want to see. Even if you do, you shouldn't.”

Just before they left, Ban send Yuki a long, complicated glance, as if telling him to sort it out between themselves. Okarin has his hands full with Kaoru-chan, who suddenly burst into loud sobs; judging by the smartphone about to slip out of her shaking fingers, she must have checked the responses to Trigger’s winning live. With an exasperated sigh, Gaku-kun rises from his seat to hand her a tissue. Yamato-kun and Mitsuki-kun are too absorbed in some argument they were having under their breaths to pause when he passes by; it sounds more disjointed and mumbly the longer they go on, but Yuki makes out a definite tone of worry from both of them, as well as the name of their blonde friend. Yuki fills it away to inquire about later, preferably when his nearly non-existing subtlety isn't further impaired by drunkenness. Moving along,  the biggest drinkers are snoring in harmony, leaning against each other; the best testament to the party being long past its best stage. Ryuu-kun is still rambling in Okinawan in his sleep, while Sougo-kun clutches at the front of his shirt with enough force to rip the material. Yuki catches Momo smiling at the spectacle, with a mischievous glint in his eye that suggests he’s thinking of snapping a photo. Their eyes finally meet, just for a moment. Momo flashes a bratty grin, a true, unrestrained smile, as if nothing has happened between him and Yuki earlier, and puts a finger to his lips - hush. _You don't have to tell me_ , Yuki mouths back. In an instant, the room seems a little brighter, the pressure on Yuki's chest lessening. Momo makes a show of taking out his phone and putting it away a few times with an exaggerated thoughtful expression, all furrowed eyebrows and pouty mouth, cocking his head from side to side. Yuki bursts into laughter he tries to stifle with his hand.

It takes Momo remarkably long to make it back - he stops by every guest on the way, saying a few words to each one. Yuki spots Gaku-kun sporting a weary look as Momo draws a smile from Manekko-chan and a shadow of one from Tenn-kun, who seems to have monopolized the former.  Momo only picks up the pace when Okarin tells him something he definitely didn't want to hear. He plops down next to Yuki, crosses his arms and ostentatiously puts his head on Yuki's shoulder. Nervous energy flows into Yuki through the points of contact. Momo is so high-strung he's practically buzzing; even the skin of his forehead, resting against Yuki's neck, is cold and clammy. Yuki is seized by the urge to take Momo into his arms, hide his face from the others, and  - do something, whatever it takes for this awful tension to dissipate, but there's no way Momo wouldn't make a scene if he tried. He has to get Momo home.

"Momo," he whispers, close to his partner's ear, "Let's wrap this up, already."

"What?" Momo straightens up and glares at him, offended. "So, you're in league with Okarin now? Have you been texting behind my back?"

Yuki calmly takes out his phone and shows Momo the darkened screen. "You have our powerbank with you."

Momo pats down his pockets and produces a small white rectangle, printed with a pattern of their signature colors. An official merch sample. Momo falters. "...True. But even more so, you... coordinated spoil-sports! Isn't it a waste, to go home on a night like this? The Trigger kids finally made a comeback, we should celebrate - "

"Look around," Yuki says, harsher than intended. Once he hears himself, it's too late to take it back. "Everyone's had their share of celebrating already. You too, you're swaying. Even while you sit."

"There you go, treating  me like a kid again!"

"Momo."

It's hard to not close his eyes when the migraine causes another flash of white at the back of his skull, but somehow, Yuki manages to keep eye contact. At first, it seems like Momo is going to argue further, but his enthusiasm escapes like air from a punctured balloon. Not just his shoulders, but even the ends of his messy hair seem to droop. If Yuki was to list faces he’d rather never see Momo make again, this one - barely concealed defeat and guilt, with anxiety creeping in - is near the top of the list.

“Looks like you’re right, huh?” Momo laughs, but it’s humorless and stiff. “Momo-chan got so excited about his cute junior’s triumph, he got all carried away… How embarrassing! I'll have to apologize...”

"Another day." Yuki finally gets hold of Momo's hands and gently runs his thumbs over Momo's knuckles. They exchange looks with Okarin, and in less than 10 minutes, the party is wrapped up, as politely as humanly possible.

 

It’s the first time they’ve been alone since Okarin walked in on their fight. The temperature outside has gone down, and the moon is spectacular in the clear night sky, but Momo is only looking around or down at his shoes, determined to not look up. He huddles in his jacket, keeping a smile pinned to his face to pretend he's not too cold. The tension in the air is nearly tangible. Yuki can't think of anything to say that wouldn't have started another loud argument. Unexpectedly, it's Momo who finally breaks the silence.

"I... sure hope they don't hate me now." His voice barely rises above a whisper. "I just wanted to have fun together for a bit longer. What came over me, haha..."

"I know. It was fun. They know, too. They're good kids."

"You think they do...?"

"If anything, they'd be worried. Come to think of it… Ryuu-kun hugged you when he saw you,” Yuki mentions, a little sourly. “ With his arms around your neck. He held on for a long time.”

“Haha… He did that, didn’t he! I wonder why… Wait, are you jealous?”

“Of course.” Even at a time like this, they can easily fall back on their trademark lovey-dovey, though something seems to be missing. It's as if they were reading their lines off a script. “Rrght in front me, with another man?”

“Darling, it’s not like that! He’s just a friend, believe me!” Momo clasps his hands in front of his face. "Could these eyes lie to you?"

"Guess not. I'll let you off the hook this time. Just because you're cute."

“Kyaa~h! Yuki is so kind!”

Their hearts just aren’t in it.

It gets awkwardly quiet again. Momo is back to to looking down, though he steals occasional guilty glances at Yuki from the side. Yuki sighs softly, and gently ruffles Momo’s hair.

“Only the most heartless, vile man could ever hate you, honey.”

Momo doesn’t answer, but faceplants into Yuki’s side and clings, bumping his head into Yuki’s hand like a cat asking to be petted more. Yuki is more than happy to oblige. They stay like this until Okarin brings the car around.

 

“Take us to my place, please.” Yuki can't help getting hung up on something Momo said - or rather, what he almost let slip. It's a waste to go home.

_I don't want to go home._

“Good call,” Okarin praises Yuki, starting the car. Momo makes a motion as if he wanted to get out, but Yuki reaches over and snaps his seatbelt closed. In response, Momo angrily puffs out his cheeks.

“I’m not leaving you alone until Okarin hires those bodyguards.”

“Come on, that was just a joke! Okarin, the bodyguard stuff was a joke, right?”

Okarin shakes his head. “Absolutely not. Your safety is our biggest concern.”

“I can take care of myself!”

"That's how you call getting cornered in your own apartment?"

"I had it under control - you'd just have gotten yourself beaten up, Yuki!"

"And what would have happened to you?" Yuki's pulse is pounding in his ears. Momo purses his lips into a tight line. "If you just - if you just talked to us before things escalated - You almost - !”

“Enough!”Okarin raising his voice is such a rare occurrence that both Yuki and Momo instantly fall silent. “I don’t want you hitting each other again. That goes for you too, Yuki-kun.” Okarin sends him a short, meaningful glance in the rear-view mirror. “And as for you, Momo-kun… I can't put you under house arrest,, you are an adult, after all - but I would be much calmer,” the emphasis makes Momo audibly gulp, “if you and Yuki-kun kept an eye on each other for the time being. Mutually so.”

“What if it puts Yuki in more danger?” Momo cries out. “That's the last thing I want!”

“Don’t worry, Momo-kun. Nothing bad will happen to either of you anymore. You have the word of Re:vale’s manager.”

“See, Momo,” Yuki says, a little stiffly, but already feeling the effects of Okarin’s calming magic, “If Okarin says so, it has to be true.” He mouths _What_ , at the look Okarin gives him. _I'm agreeing with you, aren't I?_

Momo doesn’t appear to be completely convinced, but puts on a brave face anyway. “That’s right! Okari~n, what a hunk you are!”

“Cheating is bad, Momo,” Yuki says, more on reflex than anything.

 

As soon as he goes through the door, the tiredness he tried to keep at bay crashes down on Yuki, all at once. He leans against the doorframe and through half-lidded eyes, watches Momo kicks off his shoes and skip over to Yuki’s little indoor garden. For the first time that night, the spring in Momo's step doesn't look fake. Yuki feels a surge of pride at the thought that just being here, at Yuki's place, is enough to make Momo feel safer and take some weight off his shoulders. What a relief it is, to know Yuki is not doing such a bad job yet.

“Hello, little ones!" Momo chirps, leaning in. "You’ve grown sooo big already! Is my Yuki spoiling you? Toma-chan, you absolute madman, how tall are you trying to get? You won’t end up taller than Yuki, you know? But I bet Yuki is happy looking after you...."

The sight of Momo talking to his plants as if they were pets, giggling as a tomato leaf tickles his nose, fills Yuki with such  a sense of peace, of being home, that tears come to his eyes. Momo should just stay here for good; why can’t he? There must have been an important reason why they started to live apart, but as hard as he tries, Yuki can't remember it at all. Was it really so important? He should ask Momo; maybe Momo forgot, too? No... Momo is so smart and put together, he wouldn't... Momo never forgets about anything. Birthdays, his friends' and juniors' favourite foods, what fans say during handshake events -

His legs, barely cooperating, carry him shakily across the room. Before Yuki realizes, he's wrapped his arms around Momo from behind, leaning his forehead against the back of Momo's head. Momo's hair is so soft and fluffy Yuki doesn't mind the tickling; how could he, when Momo's smell is filling his nose and Momo is leaning back into his embrace, humming softly in satisfaction?

"Yuki?" Yuki only squeezes tighter. "Darling, what's wrong?"

"Mmmnnnn..."

There's the sound of quiet, pleasant laughter. Momo wriggles a bit and turns around in Yuki’s arms, throwing his around Yuki’s neck. A kiss lands squarely on Yuki’s nose.

“My poor Yuki, you’re exhausted! You should take a shower first - but what am I saying, it’s your house.”

Yuki doesn’t like the guilt in Momo’s tone. This close, he can feel the tension remaining in Momo’s body, a painful reminder that not everything is alright, even though that’s how Momo  would like it to seem. Momo is trying so hard for him, once again.

“You’re a guest…”

“Nuh-uh. I’m your adorable Momo-chan, and I can wait. Off to the bathroom with you. I’ll make your favourite herbal tea.”

“You know which one? “ Yuki mumbles, wordlessly repeating the reasons why he should unstick myself from Momo. Bathroom. Shower. Momo is tired, too. There will be tea later. Momo will make tea.

“Who do you think I am?”

Of course. Of course Momo knows.

 

When Yuki stumbles out of the bathroom door, Momo is already waiting with a steaming mug in his hands and a bunch of clothes rolled up under his arm.

“You’ve found your stuff.”

“You left it in the same place for me! Thank you for washing them!”

Momo closes Yuki’s fingers around the mug and nuzzles against Yuki’s cheek before disappearing through the door. Yuki stays in place for a while, listening for the sound of running water as he sips at the tea. The scent, as strong as you can only get using the best leaves, envelopes him and relaxes his whole body, but what warms him up is not just the tea, but the kindness of the hands that brewed it. His thumb traces the surface of the mug; there a slight imperfection of the laquer that tells him it’s one of the oldest he owns. They used the set back at Momo’s place; Yuki was so fond of it Momo convinced him to take both when he moved. _For when I visit._

Yuki grips the mug tighter.. _I really am no match for him._

He falls into a doze as soon as he sets the empty cup down, almost missing his pillow.

 

Yuki’s awoken when Momo crawls into bed from the other side. He smells of freshness and Yuki’s shampoo.

“Hey, darling…  Are you asleep?”

“Momo…?

“Can I  come over there? It’s gotten a bit chilly… I may catch a cold like this...”

Yuki opens his arms, but the strength with which Momo dives into his embrace still takes him by surprise. As Momo clings to him, Yuki feels even his body shake with the force of Momo’s shivers.

“Momo, what’s….”

“Just hug me for awhile,” Momo whispers. He buries his face in Yuki’s neck, and even though Yuki holds him tightly enough to hurt, only moves in closer.

Yuki’s chest feels so tight and hot with emotion it could burst at any moment, ripped apart by two desperate, joined heartbeats. How long has it been, since he first time he held Momo like this? Back then, he could control himself enough to be Momo’s comfort, be strong for him; but now, Momo is here, alive and warm and breathing, when just a few hours ago he was almost not. Yuki can tell with the certainty of having barely swerved away from a deathly cliff. And Yuki _can’t._

He almost let it happen again. It’s pathetic, so unbelievably pathetic; while Momo, who used to cry in Yuki’s arms, won’t allow himself a whimper, Yuki can’t even stop his own tears.

“It’s-it’s okay now,” he wants to say, but it comes out all hiccup-y and miserable. “It’s alright - you’re safe - we’re safe - It’s alright - “

Momo’s arms wrap around his back and squeeze. “We’re okay, right?” Momo repeats shakily, “Yuki and I, we’re okay - “

“We’re okay -”

“We’re okay now…!”

A heavy sob finally tears its way out of Momo’s chest. Yuki tries to stroke his hair and back with his own shaking hands; in a small miracle, Momo doesn’t shy away even from such a clumsy, unreliable touch. The warmth born between them is unstable, like a bonfire burning in a storm, but it’s strong enough to not go out.

 

“Momo, stay still.”

“You stay still, Yuki, it tickles!”

Somehow, the attempt to dry their eyes has turned into playful battle of pushing the tissues into each other’s face. Yuki is close to getting out-wrestled, but looking into Momo’s red-rimmed eyes, he can’t focus on fighting back.

“Momo,” he says as Momo pins him down to the mattress, “you’re a smart boy. Tell me, what’d happen to the Earth if the Sun disappeared?”

“Huh?” Momo cocks his head to the side in confusion “What are you talking about, Yuki?”

“If something wanted to destroy the Earth,” Yuki goes on, steeling himself against the urge to let it go for now, and the feeling of having to drag words out of his own throat, “like a monster, or a huge laser beam. If the Sun got in the way to protect the Earth, would the Earth be fine? In the long run?”

“A monster? What is that, a video game plot?”

“You know. Answer me.”

“I guess… not. It would get dark and cold, and there’d be no solar energy or vitamin D…”  
“That’s why. Without you, all life on planet Yuki would die. That’s why you can’t go anywhere.” Yuki’s voice betrays a stubbornness and desperation he has no strength to hide. “You’re not allowed.”

“... But Yuki, that’s the other way around…”

Yuki shakes his head.

“It’s not. All of this about protecting me, I can say it right back. It’s the same.”

“You just won’t listen, will you?”

“I won’t.”

Momo lets out a deep, exasperated sigh. “Fine. Starting tomorrow, I’m taking you to the gym.”

Before Yuki can voice a protest, Momo lets go of Yuki’s wrists and unceremoniously drops himself down. He props himself up on his arms, crossed over Yuki's chest, and looks into his eyes from up close, shamelessly kicking his legs in the air. While he's lying down comfortably, Yuki finds himself short of breath.

"If I do this, you can't throw me off, can you?"

Yuki tries to avert his eyes. Momo rises an unimpressed eyebrow.

"I don't want to listen to you talk about protecting me while I could benchpress you, darling. I can do it right now. Wanna go?" Suddenly, he breaks into a gentle smile and cups Yuki's cheek with one hand. "So lets give you a more even chance. The Earth may be beautiful and delicate," Momo strokes his face, looking at him in such an unfair way that Yuki already knows he lost, "but if it wants to protect the Sun, it at least has to learn how to breathe fire."

"Isn't that a bit... How?"

"Hmmm. With a huge volcano?" Momo replies, in such a convincing, dead-serious tone it takes Yuki a moment to catch on. "It'd have to be big enough to be seen from space, though.... Oh, I know! What if the globe opened around the equator, like a huge mouth, and then fwoooosh~!"

The sound effects, together with Momo miming a set of jaws spewing fire with the dedication typical to everything Momo does, pushes Yuki over the edge. He bursts into wild, loud laughter; Momo, always quick to get affected by other people's cheer, follows suit. Soon, they're rolling around on the bed, doubling over and wheezing. There are tears in Momo's eyes again, but it's the good, mirthful kind.

"I'm - I'm glad you smiled, Yuki," Momo breathes, wiping at the corner of his eye. "But I'm serious, you know?"

Yuki feels something like a tickle, and then a light kick in the ankle. It seems like Momo missed, the first time.

Seriously, how could he hope to resist?

"Alright. But I'm only doing it for you, Momo."

"Yuuuuki! I love you!"

Yuki pats Momo's back with a tired smile. "There, there. Me too."

Momo's lips brush against his ear. "I know. How hard you always try for me. I see it, so..."

"I see you, too."

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/dreamofspring)


End file.
